Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
