someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
