4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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