the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
