Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
