Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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