hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
