my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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