Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
