OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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