i jhust puked up my retainher.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
