I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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