Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
