I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
