I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
