I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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