you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
