It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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