Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize