i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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