So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
