i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
