I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
