mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
