you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
