If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
