Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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