I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
