The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
