She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
