she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
