new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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