i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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