I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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