Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
