I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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