the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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