Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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