My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
