pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
