Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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