No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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