thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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