I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
