Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
