Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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