we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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