i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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