Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
