Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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