So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
