So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
