No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
