He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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