The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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