hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
