theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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