You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
